special k 135
almond milk 60

lunch out with a friend. (approx.)
frittata 150
mixed veggies 170
wild rice 140

gellato 300

at my friends house, birthday dinner. eaten over the course of many hours. (6:30pm-12:30pm)
approx 1000 of
crackers
cheese
cake
fruit
scalloped potatoes
veggies
cashews
candy
soy milk

total: 1955.

good gosh, first day i haven't binged/purged in such a long time!

half a banana; 45.
two peices of toast(130) & lots of pumpkin(140); 270.
three sugar-free redvines; 34.
piece of cucumber; 1.
almond milk in tea throughout the day; 20.

total: 371.
veg: 141. fruit: 45. other: 184.

didn't purge!

mushed banana(100) & cinnamon on 2 large rice cakes(80); 180.
2 pieces of gum; 6.
lettuce(15) dressing(3); 18.
tomato soup; 33.
cauliflower; 42.
nutritional yeast on soup & cauliflower; 40.
milk in tea; 28.
veggie chips; 175?

total: 522.
vegetables: 57. fruit: 100. other: 365

two days in one week were i didn't purge? i'm on a roll.

(ok, they weren't consecutive, & it's really not a good job, but it's an improvement.)

ok, i get this isn't like big-big or anything, or at least shouldn't be,

& is just more sad that i'm even a little happy about this, but -

i didn't purge today! even though i try every day, it's like one day a month now,

but this does feel like a little victory, 

& a little step closer towards skinny happiness. 

 two small rice cakes(50) with jam(7); 57.
popcorn(180) topped with pam(22), cinnimon, & splenda; 202.
grapes; 265.
lettus(20) & dressing(10); 30.
12 baby carrots; 45.
10 cherry tomatoes with salt & pepper; 40.
canned pumpkin(35) & applesauce(17); 52.
milk in tea; 35.

total: 726
fruits: 289. vegetables: 320 other: 117.

 

hot chocolate (almond milk 70, cocoa 45): 115
salad (cucumber 20, dressing 7, spinach 20): 47
chicken souvlaki: 140.
carrots: 30.
asparagus: 27
pudding: 60.

total: 419.

cansofravioli&potsofpastacoveredincheese&somanychips&bowlsofcereal&enoughfoodtolastapersondays

went in me in less than a couple hours.

it hurt so much & i couldn't purge,

i couldn't even stand up straight.

then my stomach stretched more & i couldn't sit up.

i ended up in a ball for the rest of the night,

wondering if i was going to split open any minute

& all my insides would come pouring out.

i've purged every day for the last week. (except sunday where i was at work for 12 hours & was sick so all the time i was home i was asleep.) i just need to stop. & this time for more  than three days. (though i have to admit that in some horribly sad tragic way i'm still proud of myself for that. but i guess it just goes to show how little confidence i have in myself that i'll ever get better.) so

i just need to stop.